The Passing of An Age

(Bonus points awarded to those nerds who get the reference in the title of this post)

Well, shall we say...a different way to end the season.

Face. Palm.

Altogether, I was and remain surprisingly reserved in reaction to the Lakers' unceremonious exit at the hands of the Dallas Mavericks. I was startled by Game 1's collapse. Disgruntled by the lack of execution late in Game 2. By the fourth quarter of Game 3, however, as others have far more eloquently pointed out, I realized the signs had been lurking all season and accepted our fate. This current Laker team went as far as it was going to go. The Mavericks, bolstered by their fabulous ball movement (you don't get that many open looks without passing well), shrewd interior defense, and the consistent brilliance of one seven-foot German, deserved to win. They were, by leaps and bounds, the superior team. I applaud them, congratulate them, and will heartily root against them in the next round.

It's an interesting time. 

I and my fellow fans, blessed as they come, have not experienced such an early playoff exit in a while. You would have to rewind all the way back to 2003 to find another Laker team with championship aspirations failing to reach the Finals. Yet that brand of sustained excellence, perhaps equaled only by the Yankees in all of sports, acts as fuel to the hysterical fire. There's a reason why Lakers supporters are the most hated in basketball. Losing is not accepted well here in Los Angeles. Minutes after the final loss—hell, during the final loss—"fans" clamored for change. Pau Gasol? Get rid of him. Phil Jackson? Utterly overrated. Kobe's legacy? Forever tarnished. The entire team? Blow it up. (Hey Magic, chill out.) To quote someone I follow on Twitter, "There isn't a single fanbase that overreacts to everything as much as Lakers fans."

I observed the mass panic with a certain sense of detached amusement and shame. Of course I was upset. I shared in the pain. But it's genuinely baffling to me that the majority of fans can be so short-sighted. Nothing lasts forever, you dolts. We lost. Thankfully it doesn't happen often, but we lost. There's always next year. (Man, it feels weird saying that.) It's not like the Lakers won't re-tool. They will be back in the hunt soon enough, perhaps refreshed and re-focused after a badly needed long summer off. In the meantime, take a step back, reflect on the level of success our team has achieved in our lifetimes, and revel in the fact that such consistency is the envy of millions. Your passion is great. Use it in a positive manner. Except when discussing Shannon Brown.

Again, it's an interesting time. 

This loss just feels so final. Our longtime coach, the greatest in history, is not coming back. The Mavericks exposed serious flaws in the current roster and tweaks, if not an outright overhaul, need to happen. And Kobe, for all his bravado, is showing serious signs that he's finally slowing down.

There are more subtle signs beneath the surface. Getting not just beat, but swept. Watching your seasoned, veteran team self-destruct in as classless a manner as possible. Hearing words like "trust," "bond," and "team fabric" used negatively during interviews. Tabloid-worthy rumors of extracurricular WAG activity affecting chemistry between the two best players. I pause to speculate (SO trying my hardest to be that "rational" fan), but has this team reached its breaking point? Four-plus years of an aging core, constant scrutiny, and immense expectations proved too much to overcome this season. It may prove too much to overcome, period.

The NBA landscape, as we know it, is about to change. Old stalwarts like San Antonio and Boston (and of course, the Lakers) are on their last legs. Young upstarts in the Bulls, Thunder, and Grizzlies look like the real deal. Who knows what this lockout and subsequent collective bargaining agreement will bring.

I hope, I pray the Lakers will find a way to stay on top. (Oh, Dwiiiiiiiiiiiight?) I hope Brian Shaw or whoever the new coach is can provide a smooth transition. I hope Pau ignores the doubters and regains his confidence (as well as his fiance). I hope Kobe will gracefully accept his slow decline and morph into a more efficient role. I hope we find a point guard who can stay in front of JJ Freaking Barea. As a fan, I don't know if any of these things will happen. All I can do is hope.

What I do know is that the league, flooded with young talent and more popular than ever, is entering a new golden age* and I will cheer my darnedest for my team during it. But I will also marvel at how Chris Paul keeps his dribble alive. I will fear Tony Allen's defensive ferocity. I will laugh at Kevin Durant's skinny arms and then wonder how he sinks effortless jumper after effortless jumper. I may even find it in my heart to appreciate Lebron James.

I will, and will always, love the game of basketball. I will, and will always, love the Los Angeles Lakers. Getting to win championships is just the cherry on top. If you're a Lakers fan, remember that. If you're not, well, uh, be jealous that we have to remember that. Yeah.

Cherish the ride we had. Look forward to the one ahead.


Oh, and Phil? Thank you. You were one-of-a-kind.

The good ol' days.

*Of course this all depends on the new CBA, whether owners like the Maloofs will still be allowed to operate, if we can curb overly enthusiastic refs from dominating games, international goaltending rules not being instituted, yadda yadda yadda. Sigh. Remind me why I love sports again?

Social Media is Social: Why Twitter is Worth Your Time

Confusion. Embarrassment. Incredulity. Judgement. Laughter. Denial. Pity. Surprise. Curiosity. Respect. Genuine interest. Common ground. Love at first sight.

If you listed any or all of these in an attempt to describe what I encounter whenever I try to talk to women, congratulations. That was remarkably accurate. (Note: some occur more often than others) Also, how dare you.

Coincidentally, mentioning Twitter in casual conversation usually engenders the same reactions. Seriously, responses always boil down to some version of:

"I don't get Twitter. It just seems so stupid."

"You have a Twitter?? (quick look of revulsion) What you do you use it for?"

"Hey! You have a Twitter?! I do too!! What's your username?"

Just yesterday, my friends and I were discussing something and one remarked, "Oh yeah! I tweeted about it the other day." I felt momentary confusion at hearing the word "tweeted" used so casually in conversation until I realized we've reached that moment as an modern, technologically forward society. Twitter is no longer a fad that can be ignored, having surpassed 200 million users recently. Time to get on that train, people, (or at least understand it) unless you'd like to end up one of these:

For the completely uninitiated (quick look of revulsion), Twitter is a "microblogging" social networking service that offers users the ability to share well, anything they want in 140-character messages called tweets. These messages are displayed on one's profile and are freely available to the general public for consumption (you can restrict your tweets to just your followers if you so choose). Users can also subscribe to other accounts, and such tweets of those you follow are collectively shown in one's timeline. You may contact anyone with a public profile by mentioning them (defined by typing the "@" key, followed by their username) as well as send private messages. Get the gist of it yet?

Let me be clear: Yes, Twitter can be simultaneously incredibly useful and incredibly stupid. Many of the pre-conceived notions about it are true. They, however, gloss over its extremely versatile nature. Twitter is a bizarre and entertaining hodgepodge of generic drivel, spam, meaningful information, insightful commentary, and hilarious creativity. Put all together, it's a revolutionary tool on par with (perhaps even surpassing) Facebook and totally undeserving of the rep it gets from common folk. Here are some reasons why:

Breaking News: Twitter has completely revolutionized how the public consumes its information. In fact, the folks in charge quickly recognized this invaluable trait a couple years ago and changed the status update question from "What are you doing?" to "What's happening?" If you happen to follow the right accounts, you can get a pretty good grasp on what's happening in the world (or whatever part of culture you're invested in) with a quick look of your timeline.The ability to easily update or "retweet" what others have updated further streamlines this process. Almost all reporters, bloggers, and/or publications, most notably in the sports world, first share what they learn on Twitter now, so you know you are getting instant information directly from a credible source. Heck, even politicians (not as credible) use it. For what's it worth, I learned much of the recent events of Libya and Egypt from Twitter alone. No, I choose to think of myself as efficient and savvy rather than woefully ignorant, thank you very much. 

Ugh. 

Celebrities! Since I am also superficial and a media whore, this is probably my favorite thing about Twitter. You know that section in US Weekly, the one titled "Stars! They're Just Like Us!"? Well, that's Twitter ALL THE TIME. If you are the person who makes pithy remarks like "I don't care what famous people eat for breakfast," liar. Pants on fire. Everyone loves famous people. It's like a law. Thank you so much for sharing your song of the day, Olivia Wilde. Why yes, Blake Griffin, of course I want to know you just caught a foul ball at Yankee Stadium. Oh Kristen Bell, you're so much more adorable once you revealed you watch American Idol with Dax Shepard. AND famous people often take and post pictures of their lives as proof??? Jackpot.

What, Joe Jonas? You're in the middle of--just kidding; I don't follow the Jonas Brothers. (scrambles quickly to edit Twitter account)


In all seriousness, it's an amazing way to connect with fans. Filmmakers and actors answer questions from eager beavers about current projects. Musicians share new songs and tour dates. Comedians try out material and can receive instant feedback. Athletes give away tickets or apparel. For as shallows as it seems (and often is), Twitter allows us plebeians to feel closer to these higher beings, and that has never been achieved before in such a fast, simple, and (most importantly) free manner. I mean, where else would I learn Russell Westbrook takes a lot of "mean naps" and mentions, without fail, before every game, "headed to the Ford Center! Ayyyyye, fam bam! Letss get it!!!!"? No, I don't know what that means either.

Marketing & PR: This aspect somewhat piggybacks on the previous two. Have something to plug? Perhaps a movie out this weekend, an blog article just posted online, or a charity/cause to raise awareness about? Twitter does all this instantly, free of charge, to people/customers already rooting for your success, and who in turn can retweet and promote to their own spheres of influence.

If you run a savvy business/corporation, you most likely also run a Twitter account (or at least pay some lucky 24-year old "social media coordinator" to do it for you). Anything and everything, from department stores to restaurants to job openings, can be promoted. I can't tell you how many deals I've stumbled upon following various Amazon accounts. Look, these companies want your attention and you'd be a fool not to pass them up. Conversely, it's also a direct avenue should you have any questions/complaints for said companies. If anything, you're spared customer service lines and the accompanying migraine.

Communication: To rehash, the main knock against Twitter is the whole "no really cares about your opinion or what you're currently up to at the moment" thing. I have to respectfully disagree. The trending topics list provide a snapshot into the mood of the world. Twitter itself is portal to that world, allowing its users to effectively converse with people previously inaccessible (someone abroad, a basketball blogger, a celebrity, etc.). It opens up whole new avenues to engage in and explore, all without the need for friend requests or email addresses or phone numbers. It provides a communal experience, a "virtual water cooler," where millions can discuss and share their thoughts on the Oscars or the Super Bowl or midterm elections. Anything, really. Most importantly and more personally, whether indirectly or directly, it allows me to stay in touch with people I care about. Perhaps a short message to old friends from college. A single tweet on my timeline updates me on what they've been up to. Almost instantly, I can feel involved in their lives somehow. Even if they don't know it, I am still connected to them. That alone makes Twitter worth it to me.

Yes, individual tweets are usually meaningless. Yes, it's probably not all that productive to be share #uknowyoudrunkwhen stories. Yes, we are seeing the slow, systematic butchering of the English language.  But taken all together, as part of a thriving ecosystem, there is no better way to engage society. For better or worst, Twitter truly has brought the world closer together.

For heaven's sake, whole revolutions and protests were organized on Twitter. If the ability to topple governments is not enough to demonstrate its highest potential, nothing will.


I know, some things just aren't for everyone. But I hope I was articulate and convincing enough (probably not) to persuade any doubters not to immediately dismiss Twitter anymore. And some day, when not knowing what The Rock has been up to becomes just too unbearable, I hope they'll hop on board that train. I'm @SenorJeffer in case you ever decide you need more quasi-stupid rhetorical questions and observations in your life.

I leave you with a video that perfectly encompasses everything I just spent way too long writing about. In fact, I probably should have just posted it at the beginning. But no matter, I got your pageview already! And uh, thanks for reading! (start at 15:25 til about 20:00. Better yet, watch the whole thing if you can. It's worth it.)

Here We Stay

I am a proud, unabashed, (overly)passionate fan of the Los Angeles Lakers.

I got made fun of in college due to said obsession. Around my pick-up basketball circle, I am known as the guy "who has all the Kobe shoes." My mom hates all sports, because she thinks I waste too much of my life following the Lakers.

Last night, the team played its last 2010-2011 regular season game on the road against the Sacramento Kings. They needed a victory in order to secure a number-two seed in the Western Conference playoffs and avoid a tough first round opponent in the Portland Trail Blazers. I saw the game as an absolute must-win, since it would place the Lakers against a much-less formidable New Orleans Hornets squad.

You da man, Doug!

Complicating matters was the fact that the Kings were playing possibly their final game in the city of Sacramento. Not too long ago, they were an extremely entertaining, run-and-gun title contender who pushed the Lakers to the limit during their last three-peat run. I hated them. Chris Webber was soft. I couldn't tell whether Mike Bibby was white or black. Hedo Turkoglu was/still is the ugliest thing I've ever seen.  Vlade Divac didn't play real basketball. Doug Christie was a comically whipped husband.

Most of all, I hated their fans. Loathed. Detested. Abhorred. I derided them as northern California hicks who had nothing better to do in their barren town than obsess over a terribly annoying basketball team. (Yes, I realize the irony of this sentiment given my opening paragraphs.) Those fans, who brought it each and every game, cheering on their fabulous team with those dreadful cowbells and unhinged enthusiasm.

That's why I can't help but feel mixed emotions as I think back on last night's contest. I knew in my heart of hearts, above all else, I wanted a Lakers victory. As the Lakers went up 20 points in the second half, I cared not one iota that my team was on its way to giving Sacramento a crushing farewell. Once the Kings started their improbable comeback, I was in a furious state and close to breaking things. I didn't even celebrate when Kobe hit his tying three at the end of regulation, still bitter that the game was even close at all. I almost wanted the Lakers to lose in the end, thinking they deserved a harsh wake-up call in the Trail Blazers after such a depressing run to end the season.

Through all these thoughts, however, I could not help but feel those fans again. That hate, a presence long dormant, bubbled up once more. What those devoted 17,000 achieved last night, before, during, and after the game, was nothing short of incredible. They epitomized everything fans are supposed to do: will their team to something higher. And despite the loss, considering the circumstances, the Kings did their faithful proud. What a moment.

I won't pretend to know all the details surrounding the Maloof brothers' decision to move the Kings to Anaheim. Business, however bumbling or misguided, is business. I get it. I do know, however, that Sacramento is a top-20 TV market. I do know that the Kings are top five all-time in consecutive sellouts. I do know they have a proud, unabashed, (overly)passionate fanbase.

I do know that if the Lakers ever left Los Angeles, I would fall into a near-clinical depression. That is not an exaggeration.

That's the toughest part for me regarding this whole mess. For sports fans, the teams we love become part of our personal identity. To rip them away is to lose part of yourself forever. No, that's not as foolish as it sounds. What if you took instruments away from a musician and told him he/she could only listen to others play? Brushes away from an artist? Keyboards from bloggers? Stupidity away from Glenn Beck? It leaveS behind such an aching, lasting pain. That passion for whatever (basketball, music, art, etc.) you were originally invested in may come back eventually but will never feel whole again.

I imagine many Kings fans are, or will be, experiencing such misery. And today, as I watched and read about last night's events, I say with absolute, utter sincerity that I feel for them. That hate is totally gone.

So whatever happens in the coming months, at least for these next two days as the Lakers rest up for the playoffs, in between worrying about Andrew Bynum's knee, fearing the implications of Kobe Bryant not having chicken pox as a child, and lamenting why Shannon Brown is still an "important" contributor, I am proud to say I am a Sacramento Kings fan. We all are.


Anyone know where I can buy a cowbell?

Ah, to be young, blonde, and........racist?

Hey all. Just wanted to pass this story along. If you haven't heard of it, you're in for a treat. It's awesome.


So last Friday, an unfortunately dim-witted student (Alexandra Wallace) at UCLA posted this rant online:

I'm 100% honest when I say I find this video to be incredibly hilarious. In fact, it's the funniest thing I've seen since I first saw the trailer for Limitless a couple weeks ago. I find it implausible* that a UCLA student lacked the awareness to realize how such opinions were going to be received once they were plastered OVER THE ENTIRE INTERNET. ON THE DAY OF THE TSUNAMI. THE DAY OF THE TSUNAMI! TSUNAMI! LOUD NOISES! What did you think was going to happen, darling? That people were going to be distracted by your large mammaries and not listen to the content of your preaching? (Ok ok, I may or may not be guilty of this. Oh, stop judging me. It was only for a couple seconds.)

You tell em', girlfriend.

As an Asian-American, I guess I should be offended and I'm totally shocked that I don't feel that way at all. I'm very fortunate to have grown up in a environment where race wasn't really an issue. Sure, I've been teased before but it's (usually) all in good fun and I (usually) let such things roll off my back. Seriously, I'm more saddened that a student at a prestigious university was still dumb enough to think broadcasting her horrendously ignorant opinions was a good idea. Everyone's entitled to their opinion--no matter how outrageous--but not everyone should be entitled to a webcam. Words to live by. In the end, it's just not worth the energy for me--and shouldn't be for other Asians--to lash out at the poor girl with anger. She made a (huge) mistake and has since released a statement apologizing. I hope she's sincere. I hear dem' Asian sorority bitches be crazy.

Thinking every time before I hit the 'record' button,

Jeff



 *Yes, even more implausible that Limitless actually got green-lit. Can you tell that this is bothering me? The tagline of the movie is "What if a pill could make you rich and powerful?". Wait, what? Is this a comedy? It's actually about someone taking a pill to make them rich and powerful!?!? And it has that horribly repeated--and scientifically wrong--statement about "how we use only 20% of our brain"? Yeesh. This is lazy filmmaking so refined you could mine it and sell it on jewelry. I need to find out how many hours the marketing department spent on this campaign. I want a video of the meetings held after they realized in horror the studio wasn't pranking them.

Also, Robert de Niro is in Limitless. Is it safe to say this is a low point for his career? I'll reserve judgment until it is confirmed that the Focker "franchise" is dead.

On Tragedies

I cried this morning. Heavily.

I was in the middle of eating breakfast at work, reading coverage on the earthquake in Japan, and came upon this picture:

I then saw this picture. And this picture. And...yeah.

I got up and hid in the bathroom for a couple minutes to gather myself.

I pictured people in those homes. I pictured people in those cars, on their way to and fro. I pictured big things like whole buildings floating with the water. I pictured little things like family photo albums ruined, memories gone with the waves. I pictured how many lives forever changed, not to mention how many lives forever lost.

I just donated to the Red Cross. It's the first time I've ever done so, despite ample opportunity. Better late than never? Try telling that to the people of Haiti, New Orleans, or the Indian Ocean. 

I ponder why I didn't feel this way during the last disaster. Or for the one(s) before that. I didn't help then. Certainly, I followed them. Certainly, I was sympathetic. Certainly, I was horrified. Certainly, I sent thoughts and prayers.

I struggle with that term. Thoughts and prayers. That phrase is everywhere. It's on Facebook, on Twitter, on television, on print. From politicians to celebrities. From strangers and from friends.

I wonder if it all means anything. In reality, of course not. Thoughts don't rescue victims. Prayers don't clean up debris.

I wonder how long I will feel this affected. Media fatigue will eventually settle in. It has before. At least until the next disaster.

I will go back to my normal life. I will ignore the Libya situation in favor of Charlie Sheen updates. I will play basketball and play video games this weekend. I will probably watch a movie. I will continue on because the events in Japan will never truly hit home.

I, of course, feel ashamed. Does that make me a lesser person? Or does it make me human?

I love romantic comedies. I am skeptical (initially, at least) of every steroid scandal in baseball. I believe in mistakes or mishaps first--not ulterior motives--when things don't go according to plan.

I am an optimist. For someone so sarcastic all the time, cynicism is my least favorite quality. The status updates and tweets fill me with pride, instead of snark. For the moment, people are paying attention. Some will donate. Some of them will be driven to action. That will help.

We care. We are here. We are, or we would like to be, together. However brief.

I think that still matters.   

The Little Things, Volume 1

(Or as I think of it, The Feature Where I Get to Share Random Things That Are Obviously Not Important Enough For My Lazy Ass to Spend Writing A Whole Post On )


- The next time you play MadLibs (I know it's pretty often), try using Charlie Sheen for every noun. 

- Hey, I'm a real person now! Yes, my office is that drab.

- We may have discovered alien life. Where's Will Smith when you need him?

 - Zookeepers in China resort to radical—and totally cute—measures:

- I can only hope that one day I'll be a fraction of the writer Darren Franich is. Seriously, I look forward to this guy's Jersey Shore recaps more than I do the actual show.

- Has anyone noticed Vince Carter's facial hair lately? He looks like a Musketeer:

- Steve Nash did this once during a basketball game. Steve Nash makes me laugh every time.

- OK, I know his wife is a Brazilian super model and all, but he has to be at least a little gay, right?

-Why owning a Prius is awesome:

- Why owning a Prius is not awesome:

- Lastly:

I've been out of touch with the political world ever since graduation. College was just the perfect environment to stay current on matters, and I used to think that I needed to be in the know—this was the stuff that actually "mattered," after all. Since then, however, I have reverted to the comfort of mindless entertainment (and blogging!) and will remain blissfully ignorant. I guess I like following the latest news on the Spider-Man reboot more than I do the troubles Democrats are facing in Congress. If that makes me a lesser person, I accept it.

Once in a while, though, people like Mike Huckabee remind me of why I got so disenchanted. Look, I get it. You've got to appeal to the extremes to get your initial support. They are the supporters who will campaign for you, donate to you, and get you through the caucuses and the rallies. You have to get them early and often. You've got to build your brand. Write a book, get a cable news deal, go on radio. It's boring to be in the middle. You don't get ratings or publicity by being a moderate. This is why you end up with pretentious blowhards like Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, and Keith Olbermann.

HOWEVER, it's one thing to disagree with an opponent or ideal; it's a whole other thing to knowingly slander with lies, then backtrack with a lame excuse that is also a lie. Mike Huckabee, you sir are guilty. Mike Huckabee, you sir are an idiot.

Yeah, I forgot tolerating gay marriage totally equals tolerating incest.


AND we end on a incest comment! Hope you enjoyed reading.

Love,
Jeff

Best Live Version of a Song, Volume 2

QUICK!

Pop Quiz: [(Lupe Fiasco × Modest Mouse) + Johann Pachebel] ^Violin = ________________

Answer: Today’s Best Live Version of a Song Video!!!

Yes yes, well done. Congratulations. Pat yourself on the back if you didn’t roll your eyes at my lame math joke/introduction. Like the blog heading indicates, I’m here to be mediocre. Today's video is a sweet violin cover of “The Show Goes On” by Lupe Fiasco. Technically speaking, it shouldn't even qualify for this feature; it’s neither by the original artist (Would that be Lupe or Modest Mouse? I’m confused. Damn you, hip-hop’s overuse of sampling!) nor is it live. BUT it mixes classical music with an awesome song, sounds cool, and was performed in one take, so I’m counting it. Minus points for the violinist wearing one of those stupid hats, though.

I want one. The mustache, that is.

Random side note: What is it about finding music “too late”? “The Show Goes On” was apparently released in October 2010. I just discovered it last week, and thoroughly felt less worthy as a human being. One of my roommates totally embodies this. “What bro? That song sucks; it came out like ages ago.” As if the quality of a song completely depends on its novelty. My other roommate occupies the exact opposite end of the spectrum. He still thinks that Ray J is bumpin’ (Yo, sexy. Can I?) and catches on to random popular songs for the first time about three months late. On a related note, both of them are really cool people. That is not a sarcastic statement. Or is it?


Enjoy!

Cast Power Rankings, Volume 1

Hollywood’s a cutthroat town. It's filled with literally millions of aspiring freelancers who all think they have the requisite talent and attractiveness to become a successful actor. Granted, about 97% percent of these people are wrong and most of the remaining non-uglies never make it as well. Moral of the story: you ever manage to find a gig, you take it. Provided the show doesn’t get canceled after half a season or the film doesn’t tank, you ride that fame train as long as you can. But what to do after? Forget landing the job, maintaining a whole career is the real hard part. Just ask Screech.

Hence my idea for a new running column! From time to time, I’ll examine cast careers and then rank each member in terms of success. What exactly does “success” mean? That’s highly subjective and totally up to me. And why do this? Because ranking things is totally rad and I’m a very judgmental person. Sorry, it’s my party, I can cry if I want to.


Dawson's Creek (1998-2003)

I honestly have no idea whether or not I ever watched this show. The only thing I can recall was James Van Der Beek being totally in touch with his emotions (evidence below) and totally not in touch with his acting ability.

"What? You hate Dashboard Confessional!?!?"

And that truly awful theme song.


“(high-pitched voice) I don’t want to WAIT…for our LIIIIIIIIVES to be over and I don’t know…”


Does anyone know how to finish that lyric? That’s seriously all I remember. I don’t even know who sings it. I would totally Google this if not for the fear of being a huge loser. What does it say about a song that I only know fourteen words from the chorus? What did you say? That it sucks? Correct! I know you answered that out loud. I also know you are still singing out loud. “I don’t want to WAIIIIITTTTT…” Shame on you.

Honorable Mention: Busy Phillips

(Yes, she’s that fairly attractive blond in the black dress who accompanied Michelle Williams at the Oscars; you know, the one who looked totally familiar but you couldn’t exactly place. I’m here to help.)

Sick, dude.

There’s an honorable mention here because the show only had four main cast members and I want to do this first column justice. It was between her and something called a Kerr Smith, so I think I made the right choice. Also, Busy Phillips is an awesome name. I vaguely know her from forgettable romantic comedies, in which she probably played the eccentric best friend of the female protagonist. She’s now a series regular on Cougar Town, in which she plays…oh…um…the eccentric best friend of the female protagonist! Wikipedia describes her character as a “young feisty employee who is known for her fun-loving personality.” Nice to see Busy has branched out. Still, she’s got a steady job on a smeediumly successful network sitcom and I have no interest in looking up what Kerr Smith is.


4. James Van Der Beek

You don’t know how much this pains me. As far as I’m concerned, his “performance” as Johnny Moxon was the best thing about Varsity Blues—bold statement considering it also had this—and forever secured The Beek a place in my heart. I’m pretty sure that movie was my first exposure to unintentional comedy. Plus, dude just seems like an awesome guy. How else do you explain Van Der Memes?

Sadly, my personal feelings are not enough to ignore the facts. He’s had guest/recurring roles on various shows here and there, did some off-Broadway theatre, and even starred in a Lifetime movie. Really? C’mon Dawson, you had the emo teenage world at your fingertips and this is all you can do? Speaking of emo and teenagers, I don’t want to WAIII... NO! Stop it.


3. Joshua Jackson

This is not Joshua Jackson.

His character’s name was Pacey Witter. Pacey. Witter. I almost dropped him one spot but then I remembered he’s also Charlie Conway, captain of the Mighty Ducks, and I happily overlooked this. (Note: this led to an hour-long distraction in which I looked up the entire series and relived the heroic victory over Team Iceland from D2. U-S-A! U-S-A! I forgot what a huge asshole the Iceland coach was. And that his nickname was “The Dentist.” All kinds of awesome. Also, Team Julie! If you liked Goldberg, fuck that. He was fat and didn’t have the glove speed.)

Mr. Jackson has had a moderately respectable, if unremarkable, film career since Dawson’s Creek and currently stars on Fringe, by all accounts a fantastic show that’s unfortunately struggling ratings-wise. He also has a Van Der Beek-like ability to poke fun at himself, celebrating all things Pacey at last year’s Comic-Con.

Did I mention his girlfriend is Diane Kruger?


2. Michelle Williams

RIP, Heath.

I have almost no thoughts on Ms. Williams, other than I’m utterly amazed a cast member from a laughable hit show like Dawson’s Creek is now a notoriously private, highly respected two-time Academy Award nominee. Ryan Seacrest interviewed her at the Oscars for all of a very uncomfortable thirty seconds—she uttered less than twenty words— and she clearly wanted to escape as soon as possible. And why not? She’s an incredible, intense actress who chooses her roles carefully and seems very invested in the actual craft of acting, not all the silliness that often comes along with it. Good for her.


1. Katie Holmes

Controversial, I know. Quality-of-work-wise, Michelle Williams blows everyone out of the water. Hear me out.

Typical.

Face it: getting brainwashed by marrying Tom Cruise was a total game changer for the former Joey Potter. Sure, he isn’t the sanest (or straightest) guy in the world but Mrs. Cruise isn’t ever going to be short on money or fame or paparazzi or Thetans or conspiracy theories or…you get my point. Yes, I know she once was part of “hot, young Hollywood” and had a promising film career (go see Pieces of April) but that’s nothing compared to the work she’s done since (don’t go see Mad Money) and the notoriety she’s gained, right? C’mon, she makes headlines every time she gets a haircut and works so infrequently it’s almost as if someone was controlling EVERY aspect of her career. Almost. Huge "success" without really trying. That’s why Katie gets the top spot. Still though, when's the last time you saw her smile? She has to think every now and then, “I can’t believe I married Thomas Mapother IV for publicity purposes. What have I become?” Love is a hell of drug. So is blackmail.

In all seriousness, I’m sure Katie places family over acting by choice, and I genuinely hope she’s happy with that decision. Whatever. You want to know what decision I’m not happy with? Tom not allowing her to be in The Dark Knight. Because of that midget Scientologist, my favorite movie of all time is denied perfection because we were forced to believe Bruce Wayne would be in love with this:

WHAT. ARE. YOU?

Congratulations, Katie!!



What did you think? Agree, disagree? Got any cast suggestions? Sound off below!


Love,

Jeff




Ah, screw it. I caved. You win, Paula Cole. Everybody now, SING ALONG!! “I don’t want to WAIT…for our LIIIIIIIIVES to be over...”

Best Live Version of a Song, Volume 1

Short post here today but a momentous one. I'm introducing a new feature that's near and dear to my heart. I know you are pumped.

Live performances are the best. With Autotune rendering the ability to sing obsolete (I'm looking at you, Ms. Swift), great performers today are a commodity. Depressing state of music put aside, I always trek on over to YouTube every time I fancy a new song, search for the best live version, download it (sorry, music industry), and hit repeat. Now that I have a handy-dandy blog, I shall post them every so often for your consumption. Also, if you disagree with my music tastes, whatever. I like what I like.

Today's historic introductory post honors my current music obsession Adele, who just debuted at #1 literally everywhere. If you haven't heard of her before, the video above is quite the introduction. She's unbelievable. Plus, that dude at the beginning looks like a less fat, British version of Eric Stonestreet from "Modern Family." Eric Stonestreet is surprisingly not gay. Who knew?

Enjoy!

This is Gonna be Better Than James Franco’s Oscars Night!

What could he have been thinking at this point?

Well, at least you know my ambition level now. Make no mistake, my writing will strive to be as disinterested, smug, and lackluster as the esteemed host appeared to be last night. But anyways…HELLO! Welcome to my brand-new blog. Without a doubt, you are either a family member, friend, Facebook contact whose Newsfeed my post intruded on, or fanatical fan who thinks this is a site dedicated to the best bench-warming white Lakers guard of the last 20 years (it’s quite a list). I toyed with that idea for a while but then realized such a blog might be short on quality material past the year 2001.*

Fat Mike Penberthy is angry.

 To be honest, I have no concrete idea why I decided to create a blog, other than classic “post-college restlessness” and a desire to share what important thoughts I have with the WORLD. I am well aware that these musings will likely never see the light of day and I am not on my way to becoming rich and famous. There are 14,363,537 blogs just on Tumblr alone, which, at minimum, gives me a 1/14,363,537 chance (my calculator is out of batteries and I am morally against using the calculator on computers) of being the next famous online writer. Hey, as least I can’t be as bad (or brilliant?) as this guy, right?

I count no less than 15 other blogs/websites I follow myself and aside from being a spectacularly effective way to waste time, they just add to the notion that there’s a mountain of information out there to consume on the internet. Nevertheless, I feel such dedication to meaningless but varied forms of entertainment has given me mass exposure to areas of culture I find quite interesting, and I would love to share them with you, dear reader. These may include, but are not limited to: movies, television, sports, music, technology, the robust sneaker-collector world, YouTube’s finest, and most importantly, celebrity gossip. Yes, quite a large spectrum to cover but I’ve already got many running features and column ideas to share, all of which will be revealed shortly if you just do this.

Ultimately, I guess I’m just looking to carve a niche in this crazy, crazy world we now inhabit, where information is instantaneous and everyone has an opinion. I sincerely hope you will accompany me in that effort. Now, where to begin?

Love,
Jeff

P.S. There are now 14,367,255 blogs on Tumblr. Shit.

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* Damn right I used a footnote. For those who are uninformed, Mike Penberthy was an integral part of the 2000-2001 World Champion Los Angeles Lakers. And by integral, I mean important enough to get cut after one season. Oh, but what a season. You don’t get much better than a 26-year old white rookie guard whose mission in life was to chuck up 3s and attempt fearless reverse layups over taller, more athletic men. Please enjoy this inaugural video as much as I do.