This is Gonna be Better Than James Franco’s Oscars Night!

What could he have been thinking at this point?

Well, at least you know my ambition level now. Make no mistake, my writing will strive to be as disinterested, smug, and lackluster as the esteemed host appeared to be last night. But anyways…HELLO! Welcome to my brand-new blog. Without a doubt, you are either a family member, friend, Facebook contact whose Newsfeed my post intruded on, or fanatical fan who thinks this is a site dedicated to the best bench-warming white Lakers guard of the last 20 years (it’s quite a list). I toyed with that idea for a while but then realized such a blog might be short on quality material past the year 2001.*

Fat Mike Penberthy is angry.

 To be honest, I have no concrete idea why I decided to create a blog, other than classic “post-college restlessness” and a desire to share what important thoughts I have with the WORLD. I am well aware that these musings will likely never see the light of day and I am not on my way to becoming rich and famous. There are 14,363,537 blogs just on Tumblr alone, which, at minimum, gives me a 1/14,363,537 chance (my calculator is out of batteries and I am morally against using the calculator on computers) of being the next famous online writer. Hey, as least I can’t be as bad (or brilliant?) as this guy, right?

I count no less than 15 other blogs/websites I follow myself and aside from being a spectacularly effective way to waste time, they just add to the notion that there’s a mountain of information out there to consume on the internet. Nevertheless, I feel such dedication to meaningless but varied forms of entertainment has given me mass exposure to areas of culture I find quite interesting, and I would love to share them with you, dear reader. These may include, but are not limited to: movies, television, sports, music, technology, the robust sneaker-collector world, YouTube’s finest, and most importantly, celebrity gossip. Yes, quite a large spectrum to cover but I’ve already got many running features and column ideas to share, all of which will be revealed shortly if you just do this.

Ultimately, I guess I’m just looking to carve a niche in this crazy, crazy world we now inhabit, where information is instantaneous and everyone has an opinion. I sincerely hope you will accompany me in that effort. Now, where to begin?

Love,
Jeff

P.S. There are now 14,367,255 blogs on Tumblr. Shit.

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* Damn right I used a footnote. For those who are uninformed, Mike Penberthy was an integral part of the 2000-2001 World Champion Los Angeles Lakers. And by integral, I mean important enough to get cut after one season. Oh, but what a season. You don’t get much better than a 26-year old white rookie guard whose mission in life was to chuck up 3s and attempt fearless reverse layups over taller, more athletic men. Please enjoy this inaugural video as much as I do.